So drunk its hurt
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize