Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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