my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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