i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
