So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
