I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
