if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
