Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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