I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
