drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
