I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
