why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize