When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
