walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize