you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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