I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
