i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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