im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
