I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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