Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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