I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
