Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize