well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
