Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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