Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
