i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i will never coherently bang her
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize