Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
