I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
