trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
