I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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