Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
