Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
