I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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