Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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