I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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