is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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