I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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