walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
