i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
