you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
