Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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