We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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