I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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