found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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