he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
