I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
