i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
