I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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