sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
