bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
