I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He did a backflip because drugs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
