Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
