I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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