Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
