Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
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