My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
