ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
