I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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