ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
