I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
