his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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