I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
