Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
