Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
