After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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