ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
