i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
