so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
