Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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