she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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