The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
