who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize