what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
