he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
