You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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