i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
