Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
why is half of my head shaved?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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