i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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