There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
