her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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