I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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