Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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