He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
