Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
