i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
