wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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