The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I look better un-naked...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
